There’s no ‘I’ in trust, but there’s ‘I’ in believe… as well as in shit.

Just a few weeks ago, my brain was busy performing death-defying stunts by searching for lost words and lost concentration for my papers in my Journalism 101 class. Believe me, I had writer’s block since I had to do papers for a subject this semester. I literally ran out of words to use and essay formats to begin with and so the effect was, I was unable to produce a good outcome. I don’t consider doing my articles the night before the deadline as cramming, and in fact, I, a professional crammer, believe that cramming produces better outcomes. If I may say so.

We had to do 4 major papers for the class: 1 news writing, 1 campus news writing, 1 feature writing (includes proofreading), and 1 personality profile, (which includes the layouting).

If it seems easy to all of you, then… okay. I might just be the dumbest person alive.

It was freaking hard! We had to conduct a survey which tested our confidence and alertness while interviewing random people. It also tested patience (when people don’t want to be interviewed huhuhu ) or (when people divert the topic to a whole new world of irrelevance). I admit, I was on the verge of thinking if I really was meant for this course.

I just did what I had to, but to my surprise, I got a good score. Although my draft had a better score than my edited work (how can I be so stupid?), it turns out, I think I’m good to go.

Not before we had to do another news-writing exercise. This time, no more drafts. I was kinda hopeless while I was doing the article because I was panicking that I may have the same article with my other classmate because I am a freak and I like excessive freaking. Turns out I did well. Praise the Lord, and the other gods and goddesses who supported me with this article. ☺☺☺

The next article we had to submit was a feature article. This challenged me so much because I wasn’t able to accumulate information from first hand accounts, which led me to consulting the internet to whatever info I might be able to get. It was a great miracle to find a website containing their info, and I expounded on them through my article. I thought that I might get a poor score with this because honestly, I don’t have a wide range of vocabulary for me to consult from. I’m not a fan of flowery words, and I only use simple words that are really simple that even a kindergarten student might make fun of me. Aside from that, I was late for class and the deadline was 7:15 am sharp. And in that moment, I swear I was dead. Holy shit. I woke up at 8 am that day, to think that I had to pass my edited article by 7 am. I was never late for a class. And no, I was never a delinquent student. I never planned to be absent for a subject. I never planned not to submit an article. I was your goody-goody student. But then, fuck bad luck. Fuck bad luck that I edited my article beforehand, yet I forgot to mention the things needed to include with the article. Shit, I said. Hoping that my instructor would not shout at me in front of my classmates, I carefully walked through the room and apologized for submitting late. Good thing, she wasn’t mad. Or maybe she knew I hadn’t taken a bath yet. Lol.

But then, I got a good score. Not that high, but better from what I expected. So much better. To think that I submitted late, that I fucked up while interviewing, wasn’t able to capture a decent photo for my article, and the worst photo caption dumbest error committed by yours truly, I barely even had the hopes of myself getting a 3.0 for this course.

The last article was a personality profile. I lost all hope I had for being a professional student because I had an on the spot interview for my subject. So the story goes like this: I had set an interview we both agreed upon the week after I gave him my request letter. I asked him if I could take a photo of him teaching inside the combative room. He agreed, and I appeared. LATE. No, there wasn’t a scheduled time but I wanted to capture shots while he’s already teaching, so that there’d be no awkward moments. Turns out it was their last day, and they were already leaving when I arrived. So instead, I just took some photos of them while taking the exams. I’m such a fool.

And then dun dun dun dun, my interviewee asked if I could do the interview after his class. Without thinking twice, I said yes. Without even thinking. I didn’t have my questions with me, nor my recorder was charged, and everything was a disaster, I thought to myself. I had to do it, so that I’d have time for myself to edit my work. It turned out okay, because my questions weren’t sourced from the net, but from what he was telling me. By his answers, I was able to formulate a question, without having to skip topics and return after.

While I was doing my article, I admit I had a very, very, very, hard time. I couldn’t think of how to elaborate the facts I got from my interviewee. I was afraid I might not be able to produce a good article. I was MORE AFRAID that I might not get my facts explained in 3 pages-maximum.

In the end, I got a high grade, really. Hahahahaha I can’t believe my luck!

So what’s my point, you ask?

Nothing, I just had to blog something I’m happy and proud of. 🙂

But really, there’s no ‘I’ in trust. I had trust issues since college and I never really trust anyone or anything since then. (except with that april fools google nose shit. I trusted you, google!!!) What’s nice is that there’s an ‘I’ in believe. As long as you believe in yourself that something might turn out well amidst all these circumstances, there’s hope. Sure, you don’t trust yourself that much because of the past decisions you made that you now regret, but there’s no harm in trying. Sure, there are lots of shit in the world, but don’t let them get in your way. Don’t let the shits you’ve accumulated control your life. The problems will vanish by itself, we don’t need to bury them inside our hearts.

So when you think you don’t have the guts to excel in your chosen field, think again. In one way or another, you will.

One thought on “There’s no ‘I’ in trust, but there’s ‘I’ in believe… as well as in shit.

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