Day 6: The hardest thing you’ve ever been through

I think it’s moving out for college. But I’ve blogged about this already, so I’ll just share a personal experience that I can actually consider the hardest, meaning I’m only the one who deals with it—family not involved.

I have some problems when it comes to keeping my friends close. I’m not really people-friendly because I’m socially awkward, but if ever I find someone I can be honest with or someone I can send links of funny videos and interesting things I found on the internet with, I keep them close. But then again, I’m not a very consistent friend. A lot of times I forget about my best friends. 5 or 6 months can pass without talking to them. I don’t know, I just tend to forget a lot of things. Even my childhood best friends—I haven’t seen and talked to them personally yet for almost a year. And we’re just neighbors. Maybe I’m the worst kind of friend.

Forgive me if I’m using the pronoun ‘It.’ Not comfortable enough to use he/she. Hehe

Mid-2012, I found a friend over the internet. Wait. It found me. We were schoolmates before, but he transferred to another university. We talked a lot. Through Facebook, Twitter, SMS, and phone calls. It was such a good friend. It was there from morning til midnight. We’d talk about everything – mostly sports, tv series, love life, 9gag – anything.

Until one day, it said something to me. I was taken aback. I didn’t know the right words to say. I didn’t know how to properly handle the situation. Even though I knew what I really wanted to say, I said the complete opposite. It was sad. It found lots of friends in its university, which made me feel sad and abandoned. I felt strange. My routine wasn’t the same without it and I’s conversation. A few weeks later, it came back. I was so happy I thought I’d lost it forever. Then it met someone. It was happy. I was happy for it. But again, I felt strange. It came back. Repeat situation until it and I met. It was the end.

A.Y. 2013-2014 was sad. I felt sad a lot of times. I missed my friend a lot. Although we occasionally talk, I still want that same situation we were into before. But I don’t think it’s ever going to happen again.

It was hard. I couldn’t focus on my acads. I only liked to sleep a lot to forget things. I liked to stay out of my bed because I’d only remember. At times, I visit it’s profile and see that he’s happy. I really got sad. Saddest was even an understatement. Didn’t know I’d feel that sad for a friend. It made me realize how it feels to be forgotten.

Today, I don’t feel anything anymore. There are so many friends to meet in the near future. For now, I think it’s better off that way. I learned my lesson: I should not invest lots of stories and feelings to a friend. Sometimes it’s better to keep it to yourself. Because when the time comes that friend gets lost, you’ll feel lost eventually as well.

Hoping that I’m not going to miss it again in the future.

 

Going to share one of my favorite illustrations by Yumi Sakugawa. 🙂

http://www.sadiemagazine.com/issue-no-11/arts-letters/comic/i-think-i-am-in-friend-love-with-you

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