Day 6: The hardest thing you’ve ever been through

I think it’s moving out for college. But I’ve blogged about this already, so I’ll just share a personal experience that I can actually consider the hardest, meaning I’m only the one who deals with it—family not involved.

I have some problems when it comes to keeping my friends close. I’m not really people-friendly because I’m socially awkward, but if ever I find someone I can be honest with or someone I can send links of funny videos and interesting things I found on the internet with, I keep them close. But then again, I’m not a very consistent friend. A lot of times I forget about my best friends. 5 or 6 months can pass without talking to them. I don’t know, I just tend to forget a lot of things. Even my childhood best friends—I haven’t seen and talked to them personally yet for almost a year. And we’re just neighbors. Maybe I’m the worst kind of friend.

Forgive me if I’m using the pronoun ‘It.’ Not comfortable enough to use he/she. Hehe

Mid-2012, I found a friend over the internet. Wait. It found me. We were schoolmates before, but he transferred to another university. We talked a lot. Through Facebook, Twitter, SMS, and phone calls. It was such a good friend. It was there from morning til midnight. We’d talk about everything – mostly sports, tv series, love life, 9gag – anything.

Until one day, it said something to me. I was taken aback. I didn’t know the right words to say. I didn’t know how to properly handle the situation. Even though I knew what I really wanted to say, I said the complete opposite. It was sad. It found lots of friends in its university, which made me feel sad and abandoned. I felt strange. My routine wasn’t the same without it and I’s conversation. A few weeks later, it came back. I was so happy I thought I’d lost it forever. Then it met someone. It was happy. I was happy for it. But again, I felt strange. It came back. Repeat situation until it and I met. It was the end.

A.Y. 2013-2014 was sad. I felt sad a lot of times. I missed my friend a lot. Although we occasionally talk, I still want that same situation we were into before. But I don’t think it’s ever going to happen again.

It was hard. I couldn’t focus on my acads. I only liked to sleep a lot to forget things. I liked to stay out of my bed because I’d only remember. At times, I visit it’s profile and see that he’s happy. I really got sad. Saddest was even an understatement. Didn’t know I’d feel that sad for a friend. It made me realize how it feels to be forgotten.

Today, I don’t feel anything anymore. There are so many friends to meet in the near future. For now, I think it’s better off that way. I learned my lesson: I should not invest lots of stories and feelings to a friend. Sometimes it’s better to keep it to yourself. Because when the time comes that friend gets lost, you’ll feel lost eventually as well.

Hoping that I’m not going to miss it again in the future.

 

Going to share one of my favorite illustrations by Yumi Sakugawa. 🙂

http://www.sadiemagazine.com/issue-no-11/arts-letters/comic/i-think-i-am-in-friend-love-with-you

Day 4: The Day you left home

I’m a constant traveller. I like going to places.  But I never dreamt of that—it just happens. Maybe I’m blessed with a great aunt and uncle who pay for my trips abroad, or maybe I’m blessed with parents who let me explore places I’ve never been to—even if that would mean that I have to leave home. Maybe, it’s because of the mole on my feet, which, according to hearsays, represents the desire for travel. When I was younger my mom already told me about this, and I’ve heard this also on a certain show on TV although I’m not sure if this has scientific basis. Probably none.

Thinking about travelling again makes me miss Hong Kong, Boston, China and Macau. 😦

Anyway, I never really left home for good—yet. I still go back home on semester breaks or during Christmas breaks. However, going to college would definitely be the longest period of time I’m away from home. As you know (probably not), I’m from Laguna – located in Southern part of Luzon, Philippines but I’m going to a university in Baguio (UP Baguio) located in the Cordillera Administrative Region (CAR) of the Northern Philippines. Don’t ask me why I chose to study in Baguio because I also don’t know the answer—yet.

With that having said, I left home for college. I passed BA Communication in UP Baguio and my parents wanted me to go to UP. Don’t ask me why I did not go to UP Los Baños instead because I don’t know why either. Hahahaha.

Leaving home was hard! I had to do everything on my own – from laundry to cooking to waking up without my mother screaming at me to preparing for school.

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We had a helper before that helped do all that at home, but now that I have to do it all by myself, it was horribly hard. A few days after my parents left me for college, I got homesick. I cried because I missed them so much. I didn’t have a laptop at that time yet, so it was just me and my phone. Good thing I had the best roommates for college and they helped me with that. I enjoyed my first year of college!

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But the very day I left home – I was so anxious.

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I couldn’t exactly remember what time it was nighttime. For the last time, I queued blog posts on tumblr (very dedicated blogger???) on our desktop PC because I didn’t have a laptop then yet. I stared at our house for long because I’m not sure when will I ever see it again. I went to my best friend’s house to bid goodbye and gave her my used books. I was still scared. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna survive college.

Fast forward to 2014, I believe leaving home was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Leaving home meant away from comfort – which also meant an opportunity to seek for adventures I didn’t even wish for. It was the time I didn’t know I could do a lot of things. It was that time I learned there was a whole new life waiting for me in that city. I will never regret that decision. It was that time I proved myself that everything I wanted was on the other side of fear.

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50 Things to Blog About

The idea of having a 3-month vacation due to the academic calendar shift in our university excited me at first, because it is only fair enough for me to get a compensation from my “barely no sleep” semester that happened before summer. I’m not even exaggerating. But now that I’m in the middle of this looong vacation, I’m starting to realize that having a long vacation from writing might affect my academics when I get back on school. I admit that I got weary with writing (particularly because Journalism… and tons of requirements) but I’m not complaining because I think writing is not a chore.

So starting today, inspired by this blog post, I’m going to write something to enhance my crappy writing skills and to prevent mental weariness from writing.

DAY ONE: That thing that happened in high school that pretty much changed your life forever

 Applying for UPCAT.

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Photo grabbed here.

When I was in third year high school I still had no plans of what course to take in college. All I wanted then was that course should not have anything to do with Math or numbers in particular– a decision greatly influenced by Geometry and Statistics that I was taking up at that moment. But what’s worse is that I was so clueless where and what university should I apply for, because I knew that decision were out of my hands. Although I can still remember my mom mentioning a few years back that she wanted me to take Nursing in UST because it was an in demand course at that time. 

I remember my classmates preparing requirements for the UPCAT. Still clueless, I just watched them prepare and talk about it. I didn’t know that it was one of the most-awaited college admission test in the country. I don’t even know why I didn’t know what UP was, but I remember it was something taught to us related to Thomasites in Sibika in gradeschool. Little did I know UP wasn’t just a university; It was the university.

I forgot who convinced me to join them to prepare the requirements but I’m 100% sure it wasn’t me who initiated to apply for it as I was so clueless with life at that time. (And my indolence with tasks like that is a cogent evidence). I remember how my dad would always get annoyed with my futility w/ regards to passing requirements for a college entrance exam that he asked our guidance counselor to help me with it. Haha.

Back to the UPCAT, I joined my classmates in passing requirements and finally going to UPLB to take the UPCAT. Was so nervous I wanted to puke right before I entered the room. I was one of the early birds (What was I thinking?? I was only from Calamba) and we were there at 5 in the morning. We had breakfast in McDo but I wasn’t able to eat a lot (because nervousnesssssss). When I took the exam, there were some familiar faces at the university — some were my classmates in my former school, some I competed with at a quiz bee. Went to see my classmates who likewise took the exam and got home. Also, during the exam, I tripped on a barrier at the restroom and some parents witnessed my idiocy. Wanted to disappear and never go back to the room again. (What a perfect time to let everyone witness your stupidity, Tin!!!!)

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I also remember that there was a student who brought about 30 pcs of Mongol pencils. WHAT. IN THE WORLD. WAS SHE. THINKING.

When I reached a particular sub test, I got hungry and ate my snacks. And I continued to answer the test. Hours had passed and finally, the excruciating exam has ended. I admit it was kind of easier compared to my assessment test in Brain Train (which I failed by the way) but right then and there, when I finished the test, I knew I wasn’t going to pass. I was sure of that.

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Photo grabbed here

Told it to my parents so that they wouldn’t get upset if ever I didn’t get in. There was a second option: apply for another university. So I did. 

One early morning after a few months from the painful UPCAT and right before my mom woke me up to go to school, I received a text message from my preschool best friend that I passed the holy UPCAT. Didn’t want to believe it because I was pretty sure I wouldn’t. But I did. Results were really out as it came from the news, and my parents saw it on the computer that fateful day. I clearly remember that my name was on the list! When I got to school, people were congratulating me and what I liked about it was that those teachers who thought I wouldn’t pass the exam saw it in their faces. I FUCKING DID IT, I SAID TO MYSELF. I did not say that, actually. But I should’ve said that.

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It was such a happy moment. If I didn’t join my friends to pass requirements for the UPCAT, I wouldn’t have passed the exam. I wouldn’t be studying in such a great place called Baguio City. I wouldn’t have had great college friends, orgs, and I wouldn’t have had learned to be independent. I wouldn’t have had known someone who taught me how to handle things maturely. I wouldn’t have had done things I thought was too impossible for a fearful girl like me. 

At times, I admit I want to transfer to another university, because I feel inferior in UP. But now I’m starting to realize that maybe I’m not in this university to feel superior and rank higher against anybody in the school. I’m here to learn, and I’m here to make myself ready when the time comes that I need to make wise decisions on my own. Only 3 years in this university and I’m learning a lot, not only through academics, but through surviving life away from my family. 

*gifs grabbed here.